MMM - DAILY
MURDERS, MAYHEM & MALFEASANCE
ISSUE № 678 – 05-09-24
<>PULL QUOTE:"Apparently they couldn't get hold of any emergency services to come clear it. It caused the accident I was in. Two cars slammed on their brakes in front of me so I slammed mine on, but I realised I [wasn't] slowing down in time. I swerved out of the way and clipped their bumper and went into the barrier. I saw the smoke and jumped straight out of the car…"It really could have been worse than it was so I was lucky to have got out with what happened. If I didn't miss that car I would have gone straight under her and I would be in a hospital bed."
-Anonymous driver recounting escaping the fireball car after swerving out of the way to avoid striking a swan in middle of the roadway.
▀ A botched bank robbery became a standoff between the money hungry crook taking at least one hostage and SWAT Team members. ▀ Cops raided a trap house and snapped the inventory.
▀ A pair driving a rental were busted with three kilos of cocaine (one wrapped in a UK flag and the other bearing the initials of Portuguese soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo. ▀ A woman tried to mule over $1 million worth of liquid cocaine into New Zealand by filling the stuff into some posh hair product bottles.
▀ A woman was caught after hitting her wife with a car and then dragging her several feet.
▀ A tanked oldtimer paid a homeless woman $7 to watch his grandkid while he went to the bar to down more drinks.
▀ The sale of camper went haywire when the purchaser kept bouncing their payments; and yet the seller, despite accruing $200 in fees, is still willing to try to work with the beggarly buyer.
▀ A woman with a goatee took $15 from a local eatery’s tip jar and used some of the funds to buy smokes.
▀ A soused moron finally called it a day after bar binging, and was caught by cops heading home with an open container on a zero-turn lawnmower.
▀ Bullets flew slaying one man and wounding others.
▀ A driver tried to avoid crashing into a swan and as a result barely escaped with their life when it exploded.
Until the next ones… -MMM
⬛ SIRENS/NATIONAL BLOTTER
▀ Bank Robbery Goes Bust (Anaheim, CA)
A BANK HEIST went south with the robber failing to collect and turninginto a de facto kidnapper. SWAT surrounded a BMO Bank branch on East La Palma Avenue before 5 p.m. on Wednesday. A standoff ensued with the suspect taking a hostage who was holed up in a room inside the bank. Negotiators managed to rescue the victim and bust the perp.
⬛ EVIDENCE ART
▀ High Return (Warren, OH)
A RAID ON a Milton Stree SE home yielded a smorgasbord of narcotics. A task force bagged 1,000 grams of blow, 129 grams of fentanyl, 23 grams of crack, 50 grams of M-30s, 3 pistols, a bunch of cash and some spoons and plates.
▀ 3 Keys Go On The Road In A Rental (Memphis, TN)
THREE KEYS WERE seized following a traffic stop. Cops pulled over a rental car traveling on I-40 and busted two people and then lightened it with three kilos of cocaine and 153 fentanyl-pressed M-30 pills (aka “Dirty 30”) stashed in luggage. Two kilos were labeled "CR7" (likely paying tribute to soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo) and a third kilo was wrapped in a British flag.
▀ Air Passenger Caught Flying With Liquid Coke In Her Suitcase: Cops (Aukland, New Zealand)
THE TUBES OF hair products were all for show. They were filled with $1.94 million worth of cocaine stashed in the lining of her suitcase. Delphine Ganon, 42, was nabbed last year attempting to 4.3 kilos of cocaine from Paris, France to Porto, Portugal then through Auckland International Airport. She has since been sentenced to five years and five months in the pokey after getting convicted of importing and possessing a Class A controlled drug.
⬛ THE BLUE NOTE
▀ Woman Drags Wife With Car (Jonesborough, TN)
▀ Sloshed Pop-Pop Busted For Paying $20 To Homeless Woman To Watch 7 Y.O. So He Could Drink Some More (Sacramento, CA)
«SOURCE»
▀ Extra Generous (Mitchell, IN)
▀ Gal With Goatee Loots Tip Jar (Athens, GA)
▀ Man On Lawnmower Earns DUI (Athens, GA)
«SOURCE»
⬛ ET AL
▀ Teenager Gunslinger Fells One (Kansas City, MO)
A TEENAGER BLASTED Tuesday night killing one man and wounding two others. Prophet Thompson was found slain inside of his Corrington Avenue home back at around 7:30 p.m.
A teen was received and treated at a local hospital and listed in critical condition. The weapon was altered to fire like an automatic.
▀ Swan Dodge Leads To Car Destruction (Bournemouth, UK)
A DRIVER STEERED their car to avoid striking a swan flapping in the middle of the dual carriageway and ended up in a fireball smashup. Somehow the bird stuck around after the May 7 crash.