MMM - DAILY

Oct 01, 2025

MURDERS, MAYHEM & MALFEASANCE

ISSUE № 1029 — 09-31-25

<> PULL QUOTE: ‘We’ve been open 20 years ... around 60,000 days and this has happened once.’

-Rob Hollis, owner of K. Hollis Jewelers, reflecting on being duped by clever distracting cons who took off with $16,000 worth of gold

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Until the next ones… -MMM

⬛ SIRENS/NATIONAL BLOTTER

▀ SoFi Stadium Birdnapping (Inglewood, CA)

THE COLTS AND Rams game ended with an unsolved crime.

Some rogue took off in a Kawasaki Mule that had been parked in a lake area of SoFi Stadium on Sunday afternoon and made off with two predatory birds.

“Affixed to the bed of the UTV were two (brown) Harris’ Hawks housed in green containers,” cops said in a statement. “These hawks are used during the games by a falconer in order to deter other birds in the area.”

THe stadium’s falconer apparently utilizes six to eight hawks to ward away local gulls.

▀ Bauble Bilkers Trot Off With $16K Gold Switcheroo (Batavia, IL)

THE SETTING WAS K. Hollis Jewelers.

The play was to take the boutique for a tidy score.

Two men with Eastern European accents feigned to be customers at the Main Street shop on the afternoon of Aug. 30.

They claimed to be searching for the perfect gifts.

Once they picked the pieces (16 of them), staffers gift-wrapped them.

At the register the men claimed they would buy the lot with a split between cradit card and cash.

All that was fine with the men presenting a driver’s license — until the credit card declined.

They then vowed to go fetch more cash to settle the $15,673.15 bill. Before going to get the funds, cops say they left two C-notes as deposit.

The men never returned.

Cops were called because the mens’ demeanor rattled the workers.

Not long afterward, investigators realized that the merchants were had.

The jewelry had been switched with worthless costume jewelry.

Owner Rob Hollis had to suck it up.

“It’s a tactic ... to try to keep employees distracted to figure out a way to get jewelry or whatever else they’re interested in into their pocket,” he told Shaw Local. “This is not something we see every day. It’s a robbery of distraction. They need your eyes off of them long enough to pocket the stuff.”

It’s never happened before.

“We’ve been open 20 years ... around 60,000 days and this has happened once,” he said. “We operate from a place of trust. ... We trust people when they walk in. We will never become a store that has door bells and gates. We’re a small, local community store and that’s important to us.”

What’s worse, the store’s security cameras failed to upload that day’s footage.

Hollis admitted it was a “bad coincidence”.

⬛ WANTED V. NABBED

▀ ‘Suicidal’ Stalker Leads Troopers On High-Speed Chase (South Annville Township, PA)

HE DARED HER to call the cops.

She called his bluff.

And he took off.

Paul Witman Jr., 30, was already in deep on Monday when he allegedly broke his protection order by showing up at her Dover home after dropping some personal affects at a local courthouse.

They jawed some and he allegedly asked her to call Johnny Law.

And she did just that. Cops arrived to the home and spot Witman’s pickup off Emig Mill Road.

An attempt was made to stop him — and he allegedly pulled a burnout and vroomed away.

State troopers found him again on Mount Pleasant and Louser Roads in South Annville Township.

The aviation unit was tracking Witman Jr.’s whereabouts.

THe alleged “suicidal subject” took the cops on the road and in the air a lengthy pursuit bobbing away from oncoming traffic along Route 322.

“I looked back again, and I was like, OK, this car is not stopping,” Brianna Smith, who was picking up her kids and saw the hullabaloo, told WGAL. “It was just one [cop] after another after another after another.”

Finally, Witman veered off into a cornfield on Palmyra Road and cops approached him while he allegedly held a pistol to his head. They managed to convince the man to lower the piece and he was cuffed.

▀ 7-Eleven Swiper (Silver Spring, MD)

A BANDIT IS being sought after knocking off a 7-Eleven.

The cops are hoping someone might come out of the woodwork to make the suspect captured on CCTV scoring loot from the convenience chain store on Fenton Street back on Setp. 21.

▀ Boardwalk Hooligans (Wildwood, NJ)

A GROUP OF rabblerousers were stirring up some scuffles and remain outstanding.

The suspects, who cops splashed snaps on their socials, are being sought after for their fist involving an aggravated assault.

▀ ATV-ing Downtown (St. Louis, MO)

A KAMAKAZI OFF-ROADER was caught tearing up downtown streets.

On Sept. 28, the four-wheeling virtuoso was showing off pulling wheelies in and hopped onto sidewalks.

Cops descended and tried to project thier stop commands using a loudspeaker.

The 41-year-old rough rider refused.

He continued zooming around until he finally gave up and is facing felony resisting arrest and unlawfully operating an ATV on a city street.

⬛ EVIDENCE ART

▀ Knuckled Down (Lamont, CA)

THEY WERE FOLLOWING up on a DUI — and ended up collecting a whole bunch of coke and weapons.

On Sept. 4, cops made a house called to where Julian Gomez was laying his head on Far Hills Avenue.

Out came Colt Defense M4 Carbine, a Mossberg 4x4 rifle, multiple rounds of ammunition, brass knuckles, a one-pound of cocaine, and drug sales wares.

HAUL: Colt Defense M4 Carbine, a Mossberg 4x4 rifle, multiple rounds of ammunition, brass knuckles, a one-pound of cocaine, and drug sales wares

RAP: felony warrant, possession on a firearm by a prohibited person, possession of ammunition by a prohibited person, possession of brass knuckles, possession of a controlled substance while armed, possession of a controlled substance for sale, and other drug-related charges.

▀ Bagged And Sealed (Winthrop, MA)

TWO MONTHS CLICKED by and undercover cops had tendered plenty of product — enough to inspire them to take down the crew and show off their fentanyl and crack.

The Sept. 26,bust led the the collaring of 22-year-old Michael Diaz (who had five outstanding warrants) and seizure of 36 grams of both crack and fentanyl.

Before he was in custody, the accused tried to take off. But the effort was futile.

HAUL: 36 grams of crack and fentanyl

RAP: Possession with Intent to Distribute a Class B Substance (Crack Cocaine), Possession with Intent to Distribute a Class A Substance (Fentanyl), Trafficking a Class B Substance Over 36 Grams (Crack Cocaine), Trafficking a Class A Substance Over 36 grams (Fentanyl)

▀ Cracker Jacked (Louisville, KY)